What do you do when.....

Yes, my life is simply filled with Awkward Moments (I am a member of the group on Facebook: "Awkward moments describe my life"). Every minute and every second is either some screw up I have done or it is some screw up I have done. So what do you do when*:

*Author's note: All these are real life incidences of the author(ess). Resemblance to anyone or anything living, dead and/ or super natural is (of course) coincidental and you are my kinda person or thing and/or ghost:So what do you do when.....

1) You are running up the stairs, when you are obviously very VERY late for work with your Nine West heels in hand (cuz heels slow you down, you moron) and you collide with you sooper boss whom you obviously did not want to learn of stupid a$ lame excuse for being late?

2) You are at a party, so is your crush and you think something is going somewhere when he ends up kissing (on the cheek. Lets be clear here) one of your closest friends and you, like an utterly so-dumb-that-there-r-no-words-to-describe-it moron, click the damn snap, post it on Facebook, laugh as if it does NOT bother you and actually end up clicking the like button for that snap?

3) You are with a guest, showing him the hotel and are wearing stockings (due to which your feet tend to slip in the high heels), and you trip. Not once. Not twice. Not thrice. Not four times either. But 6 effing times!?

4) You are soooo dehydrated, you feel you spent 36 days in the Gobi Desert, have the world's worst hangover, wanna throw up in the nearest dustbin and your boss comes and reminds you of some work about which you can recall nothing of?

5) You suddenly realize you are actually more intelligent than most of the people you know, socialise with, work with and joke around with?

6) You are serving some guests in a banquet, in a new city with an alien language, and a guest comes to you, rapidly saying something in the same alien language and you politely tell him "Sir, I don't understand this language" and he says, "oh you dont understand it? hahahahahaha something something something" (translation: something something something = the alien language)

7) Your stockings get caught on the ring in your hand and start creating a horrific ladder (it means they start tearing or ripping apart) in front of your guest?

8) You end up having awkward silences with the guest and you can actually hear them tearing?

9) You, in order to impress yur crush and/ or people around you, ending up fake-knowing about a topic of discussion?

10) You sudden;y get the most randomest thoughts popping in your head when you are with a group of people?

11) You embarrass yourself in your daily morning meetings? (I am not going to write the details here cuz I will require a whole new post for it)

12) You, in order to get out of a date with an annoying guy, actually tell him about your imaginary boyfriend?

Well, these are a few pointers for you to kindly ponder over while I go off to sleep in depression.

So Murphy was right after all, eh?

Yup! You may "Gasp!" in shock or you may laugh or you may die but the title! Its TRUE! "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong". Thats what dear ol' Murphy used to say and thats what I believe in. So here I am, minding my own business, going about my work, and then bam! Some intuition from somewhere hits me saying that, "Megha huny, God's a lil bored. Since you haven't fallen ill or fallen down the staircase for a long time now....." and I am like, "What the hell!? I fell down 2 weeks back (and just to let you know, my foot is STILL NOT fine! FYI & NA) and I was sick last week!" Intuition replies, "Let me finish! Since you haven't been near a medical store, God wants to make your work life a leetle miserable. So you are gonna get ultra screwed for a goof up which you WILL make and for which you HAVE made already, so please be prepared." My reply, "huh?". So yes, for the past 10 days this was my intuition. And guess what? It came freakin' true! Damn you, you intuition!



So for all the reasons I was finally called to my Director's office. She was finding a solution to whatever goof up I made regarding a group. After 5 mins she shook her head, looked at me and said, "I just cannot take it!" Now obviously being extremely near to a suicide mission I misunderstood her thinking she said "I just cannot take any more of all THIS! All these goof ups!" I very knowingly nodded and said solemnly, "I know....." Thats the time she knew I have utterly, totally and completely lost it. She looked at me and said, "I am talking about the group". I very knowingly nodded and said solemnly, "Oh!"


It may also interest you to know I have reached Self Actualization. I am so buried in trying not to run screaming through a window of any floor above the 3rd level, I have actually achieved the calming effect and karma, for want of a better word. I have no more cravings of any materialistic things.


Except chocolate. Hmmmm...... saw a Ferrero lying around here somewhere.....

"Upto U"!

That is one sentence I HATE. Simply hate. Hate - [hayt]- Something you detest or well, hate. I am very indecisive by nature. So when I am confused about something like "Should I eat first and then drink or should I drink first and then eat?" or more important ones like "Which shoes to wear? The cherry red ones with ultra high heels or the cherry red ones with ultra low heels or the maroonish red ones?" I usually ask some people, a.k.a. my friends (apparently) and the answer they give is "Upto u! Whatever you are comfortable doing" Hellow! If I was to know what am I supposed to do in life I wouldn't have asked an answer to these earth-shatteringly-world-and-my-life-are-coming-to-an-end questions! Most of my friends (apparently) usually have this "choose the right answer" thing going on when I ask them something. The options are as follows:

1) What?
2) Upto u!
3) Seriously?

Now knowing how indecisive I am (please read above) how the hell am I supposed to tick the right one?! Now if you ask me something reeeally important like "Should I have a cheese pizza or pepperoni and cheese pizza?" or "Where should we eat Chinese? From that place which serves excellent chicken fried rice or that place which serves event awesomer chicken fried rice?" and I was to say "Upto u! Whatever you are comfortable doing", wouldn't I be in your hit list? Of course I will be. Hence, help your friends (apparently) make this world a happier place.


Now I am in the mood for making "Upto u! Whatever you are comfortable doing" an illegal sentence. 'Course there are gonna be clauses to that. You CANNOT say "Upto u! Whatever you are comfortable doing" to the President when he has to make decisions, right? You CANNOT say "Upto u! Whatever you are comfortable doing" when a serial killer is staring at you right in the face. You CANNOT say "Upto u! Whatever you are comfortable doing" to your plumber. And you CANNOT say "Upto u! Whatever you are comfortable doing" if your friend asks for suggestions on her hair colour and the likes! So it HAS to be made illegal. But it can be legal whenever your annoying boss asks you something equally annoying, or to that bitch who set to make your life miserable no matter what you say or if the guy/ girl you love are deciding which movie to go for. So there ARE obviously gonna be clauses before all of you die of shock and it will be all my fault.



So you think I should go for an appeal!


No wait! Do NOT answer. I know what some sadists like you would like to say.

Time for class!

Nope, not back in school. I wish I was though. After working I realize how much I would luurve to go back and study. Aanywaaaay. I had a very learning weekend. I fell down the stairs and have a few broken parts but no, before you ask, I didn't hit my head nor did the stairs break. Everything is fine and dandy! I saw "He is just not that into you" and the "The Ugly Truth". Why you may ask? Fuck knows why! Please pardon me while I go and wipe my tears.

Ok. Deep breaths. Life really and truly sucks. If, what they say in those movies is true then it is a miracle that I haven't jumped from my building's terrace and am still sane.

3 day vacay.....

..... if you can call it that. Yes, I was out of town for THREE days. Yes, I was NOT in Bombay for THREE days. Yes, I was in Goa for THREE days! (Hah! you losers!) Sorry, got a bit carried away there. I had a blast most definitely. Though the trip was a leetle too short for any "r" of rejuvenation to take place but what the hell? Anything miles away from your work place can instantly put you in a MUCH better mood, eh? I stayed with my BFF (sigh! I wish that was like a BF). Awesome apartment I should say! It was a 120 degrees there. So put on sunblock and away we go................. She rides the bike pretty well considering that she breaks like a kilo meter before a speed breaker or a bump. I shopped a lil. Ate A LOT. Actually, went a lil insane eating sea food. Can't get enough of that! Now I am back to work. I was so upset coming back that I almost cried a little. No jokes! And here I was thinking I had more dignity than THAT! Today was my day back at work Left the office sharp at 1800 hrs to catch "New Moon". What. A. Movie! That lady has THE 2 most perfect men in the world fighting over her. They have one flaw each tho. One is a vampire (a vegetarian one at that. Which means he does NOT eat humans, duh) and the other is a werewolf. But who the hell cares about a tiny thing like that when they are ready to literally tear themselves apart for her. Ooooooh! Makes me feel like such a loser. I mean are men blind?????????? I have a question to the men in the blog world. What does it take to make you like a girl?????? Is the body? Does she have to be skinny? Does she have to love football and be a lil more like "a guy"? Does she have to be overly sensitive and in need of some support? What? What? I am tearing my hair out everyday here trying to make sense of all this.

Ok I am tired thinking about all this. Let me go and get like a hundred thousand winks while you guys answer me. What say you?

I just realized that I have again digressed from the topic here. When you have a flitting mind like mine.....

Where is that damn chocolate when I need it!

What I feel!

Don't you "yawn" at me or this title! Yeah lots of things going on right now. You know like a turmoil of emotions and shit. So, drunk (not EXACTLY drunk) after beer? Check. In my fuzzy socks? Check. Alone? Check. Counting the hours left for me to sleep? Check. A body of boiling blood? Check. Yeah you read THAT right. No, I am NOT having a sick psychotic-oh-my-God-I've-finally -gone-over-to-the-dark-side-'cuz-of-work experiment. I am talking about moi. After beer a few of us went for coffee and I am sure you know how the conversation jumps from one topic to another without any random connection. So the topic finally rested on 26/11. I literally have absolutely no words to describe what I am feeling at the moment. I am sure you will understand. I do NOT understand the objective behind killings. If you justify it by saying "Religion" I swear to God I will take my highest and my sharpest heel WITHOUT a freakin' heel cap and beat you to death. This answer is EXTREMELY laughable. Though I am not in a mood to laugh, I will do so anyway.

10 mins later.......

Laughter IS the best medicine! Oh where were we? Yes, on that laughable reason. I do NOT understand the logic of some people from the SAME effing industry being so callous. i do NOT understand that lone terrorist being held for trial. Take the bloody answers and castrate him. Without anesthesia. I do NOT understand losing people because of some retards. I do NOT understand kids being orphaned. I do NOT understand people losing their entire families. No I do not. I cannot. No matter how hard I try I cannot for the life of me answer these doubts. Can you? If you can then I will be forever in your debt.

(Note from the author: Not in the same lines as my previous posts but couldn't help it.)

Ratatouille

I wanted to write the title as "Life" but if I would have, it would have sounded philosophical and the 1 or 2 readers who DO read my blog wouldn't have visited my page. Whoever has seen Ratatouille would know what I am talking about. Those who haven't well here's a tiny, version for you. This movie revolves around a rat named Remy who loves to cook and has the eyes and nose for the most delicious ingredients and recipes. By turn of fate, he lands in Paris and in one of the most famous Michelin starred restaurants there. Now the chef who used to own the restaurant dies because one food critic gives him bad reviews and he loses one Michelin star and hence 'cuz of shock has a heart attack. Remy has always admired him and knows his (the chef's that is) book "Anyone can cook" in and out. The whole story revolves around Remy and how he helps the new garbage boy in the restaurant to cook who is actually the secret son and the heir to the restaurant. The critic hears of this and wants to come back for another visit and is surprised with the food and even more surprised to learn about Remy. He now believes that anyone CAN cook which roughly translates that no one on this planet is a useless lump (as my mother fondly calls me. Useless lump that is, NOT a rat. Thinks I am not intelligent enough to be one.)


There is a book I relate to life as well, and that is (drum roll please)"Murphy's Law". Yeah you read that right! I mean I agree with him when he says "Smile tomorrow could be worse" I even agree with him when he says "when a body is immersed in water, the phone rings". I completely, honest-to-God agree with him when he says "Mother Nature is a bitch".


NB: I have absolutely NOTHING against Mother Nature. Hey, but being a woman, anyone CAN be a bitch.