Turmoil of Emotions

Yup. You read it right. No need to read it again. If my life were a soap opera (hmmm I was planning to put this up as my title but then again it wasn't as catchy as "Turmoil of Emotions"), the camera would have tilted at crazy angles from all the directions possible for AT LEAST an hour starting right about now and I would have been cryin'. Alone. Since that hasn't happened so I aint alone. Plus, there is not any camera around. So coming back to the turmoil within me: I am currently feeling PISSED OFF, restless, lonely, like a loser (like a 20 something loser to be more precise), bored, sleepy, hungry, pain. Get the drift! I know you are probably appalled reading this, but hey as Ron Weasly puts it, "If a person felt so much, they'd explode". Yeah well, no explosions happening here. Let me explain to you all of the above........ one by one (said in an evil whisper).

1. PISSED OFF: Because of the 26/11 attacks. The godforsaken govt. of our country was informed earlier. I totally agree they keep on getting billion tonnes of information day in and day out but c'mon they would have gotten the info again a few days BEFORE the attacks. What did they do? Nothing. I was angered and pissed off like the other billions of people in the whole world but couldnt do anything cuz of two reasons: 'cuz I didn't know what to do and 'cuz I was on bed rest. According to me that one lone terrorist who was caught should be tortured like no one has ever been tortured before. Or better yet he should be thrown in front off the crowd in Bombay. Ooh better yet............. ok I'm getting a bit carried away here. But its annoying. And what did the politicians do? They played it to their advantage as the elections were right there. Sly lil people! I was overwhelmed looking at the peace marches taking place across the country. Though it wasn't much its only so much you can do and sometimes its enough. I cried like everyone did during these times. I cried for the people who died, I cried for their families. In a way, I pity the guys who arranged the attack and carried it out. I mean no mind of their own, no life of their own, stuck in some godforsaken desert, no education, no b'days, xmas, new yrs, diwali, children's day, holi presents. Yuck!

'cuz of really annoying advertisements too. I mean what was the marketing and the advertising department THINKING? Or what were the channels show casing the ad thinking??? E.g.: The advertismement by the Future Group (Central, Pantaloons, E-Zone). Its about giving away surprise gifts to every customer, which is not a bad thing. Everybody loves presents. Who doesn't? (Except for the guys who carried out the attacks. Probably a voucher to the blood bank is more like it.) Trust me you need to see the ad to understand it. Switch on your tv now, now now! go!

Oh and 'cuz of the weird soap operas which show the weakness of women. For heavens sake its the 21st Century! Or probably they are not able to think straight as they must be weighed down by the jewellery and clothes. Hyuk, hyuk!

2. Restless: 'cuz I have been on bedrest since, get this, @%TH oh sorry, its my habit to press shift and put EVERYTHING significant in capslock. I meant 26th November. Yes, and today is the 18th of December. Lets just say its been a helluva long time for a bed rest, eh? Everyone envies me but they shouldn't. Okay, people at work should but not everyone. I luuurve reading, but I cannot read the whole day lying down in bed. I luuurve sleeping, but theres only so much you can sleep. I luuurve eating, but I just dont feel THAT hungry when I'm lying down the whole day. And then theres the problem of walking around and bending. Got a teeny weeny disc problem in the back. So I totally "kill it" on watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and cracking up. Though there are times I relate to some scenes/ episodes. And I'm tired, TIRED you hear me, of taking pills. Am I a subject of some big medical experiment taking place on earth? Something like lets-see-how-many-medicines-she-can-take-in-her-lifetime-and-how-can- she-not-shoot-herself. Something like The Truman Show meets Scrubs/ ER type- thingy.

3. Lonely: 'cuz of having no friends out here. No I have friends, but no one here where I stay to talk to or hang out with. And as 3rd Eye Blind says,"I never felt alone, till I met you", except that "till I met you" part has not come and I will probably burst into tears and will be worse than the time when I burst into tears during my 2nd std. music practical exams.

4 a. Loser: Yeah I compare myself like everyone else. Oh c'mon! What did you think? I have achieved self- actualization and I am content? Of course not. People who say they are content are usually the biggest liars around. They usually say this when they are out on dates or when they are at a big gathering to make other people seem small and materialistic. I compare myself to other people for practically everything. Ok, not everything but a few things. Yes, insecurity MIGHT be the word out here. Lets just keep this point short, eh? Don't want it embedded in peoples' minds.

4 b. 20 something loser: Whenever I see famous women who are younger than I am, what am I supposed to feel? I am management trainee, which is good. I have loads of plans for my life. Lets see how it all works out.

5. Bored: Extremely! It does get boring being on bed in pain the whole day for three weeks. You try it if you think I am being whiney! My favourite part is going to the loo, where I can take in the sights and smells of the world outside my bedroom.

6. Sleepy: You feel sleepy-er if you over sleep. Trust me.

7. Hungry: Yeah I know I said initially in this blog that I don't feel THAT hungry as I am on the bed the whole day. I know I contradicted myself here, but hey, tell me one theory you have come across which does not condradict what it itself says.

8. Pain: I am feeling pain because I am in pain. Like I said I got the teeny weeny back problem and its hurting like crazy.

Yeah the bedrest has made me cynical.

And sadistic.

Filling my mind with evil thoughts.

Ooh while we are at it, lets practise voodoo! (evil laugh)

Yeah, writing something after eons felt good.