Karma and Mother Nature are, well, bitches

So there is a song of a certain movie doing the rounds which goes like, ''Cuz Karma is a bitch" and wouldn't you agree? Well, I wholeheartedly do. Looking at the way everything is going at this very moment, I seriously feel universe is conspiring against me.

3 days after the anniversary of the train blasts in BOMBay, series of 3 blasts ripped the city. Again! Are you freakin kidding me? I know its very easy to sit and write/ talk/ whine about it but honestly, the Government sucks balls. Oh and there are over 6000 potholes in BOMBay. Rejoice! Rejoice!

Moving on to something personal. AS and I are still close friends and I am trying to move on. But will that ever happen easily? Of course not. So there I am minding my own business (we share the same cabin in the office by the way) and suddenly some random chick has to come and act all flirty and AS tells me, 'you are not a girl. you are a pal!' and I am like, 'Really? is it high school all over again?' Being a pal, having drunk guys fall all over me (not the sober ones) are the stories of my life so kindly don't drink and come near me. 

I was as usual late for work (stupid traffic) and I was running inside to go change (hoteliers have to wear a uniform) and it just started raining and by that I mean raining-like-there's-no-tomorrow-and-lets-uproot-trees-for-fun. I opened my new, zebra print umbrella (went specially to go buy it cuz the previous one was so uncool. It was a boring grey with tiny white flowers.) and voila! the wind was so strong that it just turned the other way. You know how it gets and you see people on the street struggling with it and you thank the stars that you are not one of them. Well, I became one of them and my hair was all over the place and I said fuck it. As soon as I reached inside the rain reduce considerably. How? I mean, how? And you wonder why does the title of my blog say what it says. 

I have been planning to get a 2nd tattoo done for ages now. I finally had 2 continuous weekends free. The 1st  weekend I called the tattoo artist and he was not in town and today I went so he was busy. I don't care. I am getting one done. See the pic below and be jealous, peoples.

I went to Kino 108 last weekend to get dwunk with Koti, AS, Phataks and couple of my other close friends. It was fun till AS saw the bill (every1 else had absconded by then) and he came close to a fight. Damn I have never been involved in a fight. That day not even the drunk guys gave me a second look. Talk about getting all emotional after drinking.

This week I was busy attending one of my friend's wedding and a function. I can't believe she is married. I cant believe that it so easy to find people of the opposite sex.

Like I have been saying before, I am seriously trying to lose weight and today I ate half a cheesecake. Why doesn't the universe just kill me already?

(note from author: I promise to have a more +ve post next time. Oh c'mon! gimme a break)

ok TRYING to be REALLY positive here.

Have u noticed or realized that lately I have become extremely cranky and whiny? You haven’t? Seriously? I have become so cranky and whiny that I want to kill me. With a shot gun. On the head. If you really haven’t realized then this post will confirm your doubts, for sure. Ok lets start with my milestone budday. It was AWESOME (you think I am actually gonna write which budday of mine it was?). So on Friday I went to Moshe’s for a quiet dinner with family (yup still single) and on Saturday, I decided to take a bunch of friends and go clubbing. So we landed in this club and my really REALLY good friend (lets call her Koti) had called like 20 people and booked the glass cabin and everything fancy and gave me an awesome surprise. This was 1 surprise had absolutely NO CLUE about. She has been going through her own tough time and she thought of this really made me feel awesome. See the cake pic below and you wonder why i call my self a shoe addict. NB: I was not whining here.

Ok, so the point is (I feel) that the 2 most important aspects of my life are not going the way I want them to and I am getting used to feeling like shit. The 2 aspects are my work life and my personal life. I don’t get it. Why do people say personal life? It’s like saying hot fire or something. Digressing again! So work, though its good, my heart is not in it and frankly I cannot wait till 2022 for my next promotion and there have been some unfair things which I don’t agree with so I am unhappy. My personal life sucks. So I like this guy lets call him AS for like quite sometime now. Probably the longest I have liked anyone from the opposite sex and the 2nd guy whom I confessed to about how I feel. (yeah, it didn’t work out with the 1st guy and I ended up falling for someone else after moping around for 2 days). So we have been, you know, doing stuff and I was like a dumb girl who thought this will go somewhere, blah blah blah and tada! It. Did. Not. So I ended whatever there was and we are still good friends. No seriously. We ARE close friends. So we sit in the same office, same cabin, talk and I go ‘AAAARRRRGGHHH’ in my mind. This Monday totally sucked. I had to reach work at 11, I reached work at 12 because I had to travel to Bandra from Thane and back to Powai for a 10 minute work and guess how much time it took? Guess guess? 4 hrs. Yup! That’s right. I was travelling from 8 am to 12 pm. Then during the course of the day I lost my diamond from my ring and before you ask me, like how very smart people have asked me yesterday, it was a real diamond. I also did not have an off this weekend but I managed to get one as my sister has gone to Delhi for her wedding shopping and wants me to be there. Today I got to know that everyone from my office is getting to go to Pune for a night out for the opening of one of the most- awaited night clubs. Just. Shoot. Me. Please.

Now are your doubts cleared? Now you know that I have become cranky and whiny and now you know WHY I have become cranky and whiny?

To end this negativity I will leave you with a very positive quote (stolen from a fridge magnet gifted to me by my friend): ‘There is nothing wrong with me that a li’l chocolate won’t fix’.

Something interesting required. Please.

The reason I have not typed for so long is because there is nothing, NOTHING, to write about. Apart from the fact that I turn a year older in about 5 days time, apart from the fact that I am still single (is there something drastically wrong with me? No seriously.), apart from the fact that I like this guy where it is going towards (slowly and steadily) ‘god-where-the-fuck-are-we’ land, apart from the fact that I am stuck in my job for at least 7 more months, blah blah. The remotely exciting thing, and by that I mean getting peoples’ reactions like ‘oh-really-that’s-great-oh-look-the-bird-just-pooped’, is learning Mandarin. Through my iTouch (I lost my previous one by the way, to some loser who picked it up off the road in about some 10 mins span. I hope my iTouch came alive and the earphones strangled him). By the way, my sister is getting married peoples! Yeah, and I have to lose weight for that and I really really don’t see that happening. Another exciting thing is that monsoons have started. This basically means that I have graduated from whining about the heat and humidity to whining about the damn rain.

We have an Appreciation Week going on at my workplace and its fun to an extent. Fun till your drastic mood swings kick in; fun till you think yourself to depression as to why you are single and fun till you see your object of affection totally and completely ignoring you. I have, however, come to one conclusion. More than women, men are complete bitches.

Oh and the other interesting thing is that Osama Bin Laden is now, well, been laden. Probably digging a hole in his grave to the gates of hell. No wait. That will be paradise for him. He should actually make his way to heaven and then die again due to all the niceness there.

Just when you start thinking that finally Government got some sense due to Anna Hazare’s movement and when you finally start going towards the ‘R’ of respect to them, they go ahead and do something totally absurd. Like increasing the age limit for drinking. So you are seriously trying to tell me that I can vote for another corrupted person to rule this country, I can start my family with crying babies, I can stay alone and look after myself, I can get drunk on beer BEFORE I have whisky? Are you fucking shitting me? How’s this a law? A legitimate, sensible, law? Wait. Legitimate and sensible don’t go with law. If law WAS legitimate and sensible it wouldn’t be law then, right?

I can’t believe half the year is over. It seems like yesterday I drove down to Karjat for like 5 hrs and was back in 3.

Can 12th December 2012 come any sooner? Please!

A day in the life of a single, 20-something hotelier

So this is how my day today was like:

• Got stuck in traffic while coming to the hotel.
• Threw the cutlery instead of the used paper towel in the dust bin.
• Banged my head against the side view mirror of a parked truck (stupid truck).
• Got the security to laugh at me.
• Got stuck in traffic while going home.

My bittersweet life in 2010 or one of the more clichéd titles thanks to a popular rock band.

So the year started off with a hangover on a Friday. How do I remember it was a Friday? Well, the calendar obviously and ‘cuz we had to go for work. Yup! When the world was popping aspirins on 1st January 2010 and having steaming mugs of coffee to nurture the throbbing headaches, we hoteliers, sat in the offices with no phones ringing.

January came and went and the shortest month followed suit which felt like eons to me due to, let’s say, twuble at the workplace. Was still a management trainee. Had a lot of trips back and forth from my boss’s cabin. Was told they were doubtful of my promotion. Well, I am glad I was the bearer of the good noose (noose is right). Took 2 weekends off.

March was uneventful apart from the much deserved, 2-yr long awaited convocation ceremony which finally certified me as a graduate in B.A. (Hons.) in Hotel Management. I had finally and completely shifted out of the dilapidated area called my accommodation and shifted in with my sister at a more humane location and called it home. April flew in like an annoying pigeon in a house and took off after lingering for what seemed like forever. Took a total of 4-5 weekends off.

May saw some slight, let’s say developments, for a want of a better word, in my life. We had the Associate Appreciation Week and I did what I do the best: made a fool of myself and cringing at the very thought of that time. I finally did get promoted to a more boss-y level. I have realized it gives me immense sadistic pleasure especially during PMS.

Then came my birthday month, countdown for which had started popping up from 10 days prior on my friends’ news feed on FB thanks to my hourly updates. The D-day came and wished more than ever to not be single. June finished in a blink of an eye.

July was a month which was divided in 2 halves. 1st half consisted of working till 12 in the night and the 2nd half consisted of wishing I was at work till 12 in the night. Had gone to Mansarovar. Yup! Definitely once in a lifetime (experience).

Monsoons refused to go. August and September were better with developments (+ve ones) in my professional, personal and social life. No longer did I feel like a total losa! October was humid with continuous rains. Started following uber-cool programmes like Lie To Me, Bones, Criminal Minds and of course Master Chef Australia. I cut my almost-waist length hair till my ears and coloured it red.

November days were taken up by my boss’s disapproving glares for my red hair and me coming in 10 mins late for the morning meetings. November evenings were taken up by shifting in back with my parents 2 hrs away from where I work and from where I had fallen in love with my lifestyle and my religious following of Master Chef. November’s 1st half was cold and dreary in Mumbai and the 2nd half was cold and dreary in Pune. October – November went in deciding social life over the weekends and the possibilities of stay overs. Closest friend got married and I was forced to re-think my single status. Got to know of a horrible case of one of my guests. R.I.P.

December is nearly done. Master Chef is almost done. Been awaiting in anxiety for the winner to be declared. Had an awesome Secret Santa in the office. Had a present-less Xmas over the weekend. Just been needing reasons to party and go shopping.

Been reflecting on 2010 and trying to rectify my mistakes (which, by the way, are none). Been stressed as to how should we end the last Friday of the last year of the 1st decade of the 2nd millennium. Same time 2 yrs hence, on 12th December 2012, world might not be no more so have to blackmail my parents into doing whatever I want (which, by the way, I still do). Got 2 weekends off. Yup! Year was divided in 52 weekends for me.

2010 hasn’t been the most awesomest year and my womanly intuitions are telling me nor will 2011. Status on FB will still reflect single, heart will be broken yet again and as always, friends will get married, will try to get into Fashion Journalism, weight will not be lost, career and job will be equivalent to that dreary time of 9-12 hrs almost everyday (hopefully not on weekends), social life will (hopefully) be rocking, sister will definitely get married, mom dad will start loving their lives once again, birthday will come and I will be a year older without having anything to tell my grandkids.

Yup! Totally looking forward to 2011. Hence proved.

So.....

So yeah my life is such right now that if I actually wanna look at the ground, I will have to look. Up. With a telescope.

Yeah thats how my life is right now. You know people say its the peak and valley or highs and lows or stilletos and ballerinas. It falls in the latter of all the 3 phrases!

Sigh! Don't ask.

..... and so the weekend started!

During our school English Grammar exams, we were always given a choice on an essay topic. I always ended up choosing a story wherein the starting line or the ending used to be given and we had to fabricate something totally awesome (like my blog. But it is not a work of fiction. It is my truthful life. I know. Pathetic, isnt it?). So the title sort of works that way 'cuz I will be ending today's post with the exact same wordings.

Lemme start day-wise:

Friday:

So the morning started in the same ol' usual way (yawn). My alarm rang at 6:30 am. I snoozed it. It rang again at 6:40 am, I snoozed it. It then rang at 7:00 am I didnt hear it. So my sister kicked me and yelled at me for full 5 mins when I realized it. I FINALLY dismissed it. (Nirvana). So at 8:15 I got up with my usual 'Oh Shit!'. Got ready. Had the choice of making coffee and wearing my lenses and I was torn for choice. It was a bit like that poem in which that guy stands in front of a fork in the road and the entire poem basically describes him trying to see which road he takes and stuff. I have always picturized him scratching his head and looking around. Ok so now back to the topic. I did both. Hah! Obviously I reached at 9:10 for the 9 am morning meeting (yawn. AGAIN). But alas! iIshould have known the fight with my sister was basically a sign from the big guy upstairs. So on my way to the hotel, I had a fight with the auto driver. As well! Yeah. Pathetic! I basically asked him to go from the wrong side cuz thats is what u r supposed to do else I wouldn't have reached before 9:30. So I fought for like full 10 mins and I actually felt very bad for the way he was talking to me. So I finally reached, took my uniform and ran to change. And guess what? My stockings ripped. Yup! Perfect start! So I made it to the morning meeting and was greeted by The Stare. You know the hateful one which your bosses give u. Yeah, that one. Now being the pro that I am I, like totally, ignored it. (note to my bosses: no offense I swear!) And as my goof ups have to come all together, I got yelled at like 3 times in that one hour; and everytime my boss would tell me, I am not yelling at you and in my head I went like, "um, then who?" (please read the above bracketed note). Ok if you must know my goof up. I basically did some major absent-mindedness in which the hotel occupancy dropped. (Why does that always happen with me?) So all in all it was a pretty shit day. So many of my guests came in, I could not complete my work, I was tired and in desperate need for some 1000000 pints of beer. So we made a plan to drink at my friend's place. So while going I stopped to withdraw cash and buy chocolate donuts. I needed them. So finally I decided to crash at my friend's place and that is another whole different story and I will need another post for that.

Saturday:

So I had work on this dreary day. You remember above I had mentioned I crashed at my friend's place. Yeah so reached work late. Yet again! (surprise! surprise!). We usually order food from outside on weekends. So as my friend/ colleague was collecting cash I realized I did not have my debit card. I was frantically searching for it when I fel cold and possibly even dizzy. Sick to the stomach was also one of the symptoms. If you are not intelligent and not a 'eye-for-detail' reader with a photgraphic memory then I will like you to read the last few sentences of "Friday" wherein I mentioned I stopped to withdraw cash. I had basically left my card in the damn ATM machine but thought that since I have a spare card I am saved and my account balance was untouched. Muah to u internet banking! Actually there was hardly any cash in it for anyone to take it. I feel bad for whoever must have tried it. So I ran and I ran to the ATM or rather sat in the car, chewed my nails like a beaver while the driver drove the car there. So the ATM machine had swallowed my card and destroyed it. It sounded like a nuclear weapon which has just targeted the enemy side and has vowed to destroy each and every cell of that side of the world. But I had my spare card. So it was not so bad, though I felt low 'cuz I have never done something so stupid. Anyway, after work I decided to get me and my sister some coffee. So I went to Costa Coffee to do the honours and lo behold! after 2 months of opening they still don't accept cards. Can u believe that?! In this day and age of pollution-creating-world-destroying-plastic money, who does that! So I walked back to another ATM this time and tried the spare card. Nothing happened. Tried it again, the machine blinked blankly at me. Tried the 3rd time and I expected "r u stupid?" to flash across in front of me. Then I tried my savings card. Nothing happened. By this time I was this close to a stroke. So I dialled the helpline number and the helpful guy very cheerfully told me that the spare card was valid only for a month (and I could hear it in his mind, "U moron you have had it for a year! for what?") I must have sounded hysterical 'cuz then he assured me that I will get my new card by the following week and re-assured me and then some more. Of course the card has not come till now, and it has been 10 days. So I went home in a huff, took some cash which was in my cupboard, went back to Costa Coffee. I finally got the nectar and ambrosia I needed and headed home. I entered the elevator. I reached my 2nd floor house when the stupid, STUPID paper bag (who puts liquids/ drinks in paper bags? especially cold ones which fuckin' condense!) opened up, like someone's mistress, and threw my coffee on the floor. I could only stare and not breakdown and cry. So I went home with my chocolate brownie and prayed no one knew it was me but alas! In this day and age where cameras ae EVERYWHERE I was finally caught (Where is the privacy, you nosy bastards?). So the security called and I had to go and mop up the entire elevator and clean it till it was spic and span otherwise the security would have slammed the elevators door shut on my head. They were watching me like hawks. So I went home, banged the door shut and slept off with evil thoughts of killing humanity going on in my head. Then I had to back to my friend's place as there was a birthday get together. So I drank not 'cuz I had to but 'cuz I needed to. Then I thought I will sleep in my friend's room, but ended up sleeping alone on a mattress in the living room. Got up on Sunday at 7:30 am with a massive hangover and left for Pune for Florida's concert.

.... and so my weekend started!

Ok fine! There is one word difference between the title and the last sentence. So sue me! You cant see me happy, can u? Hmph!