Addendum: Shoes (noun)- Comfort Stuff

Yup, some changes to the below post.

The 11th point (for Advantages of shoes over clothes) goes for stilletos AS WELL AS the male species.

Reasons why shoes are better than men/ boy friends:

1. Though both of them give you pain and agony, shoes do NOT do it on purpose.

2. Shoes have no say in the relationship you share with them.

3. Shoes are ALWAYS at your feet (like they have choice).

4. Shoes always taste the dust AT your feet.

5. Shoes look up to you.

6. Shoes have no choice BUT to do as you please. (Best part is you don't even need to say it)

7. No matter how you feel shoes will always support you and understand your pain.

8. Shoes are NOT immature.

9. Shoes do NOT get jealous when you fall in love with other shoes.

10. Shoes accompany you for shopping without complaining. (Hey, they are part of your shopping anyway)

Do I need to give more reasons to everybody now as to WHY do I love the things to be worn in the feet? That's it! I am switching careers!

In a few years, actually.

Shoes (noun)- Comfort Stuff

Yes, this is the question I frequently (read: ALWAYS) ask whenever I go to buy any sort of clothing to cover my extra large surface area. I might as well shop in the Junior section. Whats the difference anyway nowdays? What is the world of clothing coming to? I am sorry but the free sized clothes just, well, plain suck! and I refuse, simply REFUSE to shop in those stores which advertise for bigger clothes. I am not THAT big nor am I small. Where the hell does that leave me? And people FYI, a person like me. Does. Not. Lose. Weight. In. One. Night. So I find solace in shoes. Ah! That word just makes my heart skip a beat. When you finally see a perfect pair of shoes you just know in there (in your gut) that this is it. This is the one. You feel clammy. Heart beats faster. You lose your appetite. Then when you come home and try them on you do not feel like removing them and letting the whole world know about your new found love by shouting from the rooftops and posting pictures of you with them, ALL OVER! You DO realize I am talking about shoes/ stilletos. And I was describing MY feeling. I do happen to have a back problem in which I am forbidden to wear anything more than one inch. I burst into tears on hearing that. I mean, people are just mean. They are my love. If I ask them to give up something they love for sometime they will throw a godforsaken fit. But I composed myself. My shoes are gonna feel lonely, but finding shoes for me is a challenge on its own. You see, my shoes size is bigger than most people, but when I find them I feel all of the above.

Advantages of shoes over clothes:

1. After a certain age you will never outgrow them, no matter what.
2. Even if you grow width wise, your shoes will support you.
3. They are instant "pick-me-up's" (if you know what I mean, hyuk hyuk!).
4. They look good.
5. The free sized ones are not hideous.
6. You do not feel embarrassed shopping for bigger size.
7. They make your (read: my) large sized shapeless clothes look really hot and sexy.
8. They make your legs look AWESOME. You yourself cannot take your eyes away from them!
9. They give you height.
10. You can use them as weapon against those godforsaken-we-have-no-work-but-to- irritate-you eve teasers and lechers.
11. Really hot ones cause envy in the female species.

Sometimes looking good takes precedence over style. Well, for me its most of the time. I have shoes which make my feet feel as if they are on fire after an hour of wearing them. What do I do? I wear the rest of the evening. I run in my stilletos (when I am drunk obviously). I jump in them. I dance in them. I can marry them if that was allowed and legal! Oh God!

Ok I gotta go and put on some shoes as I am just stepping out. Thats my favourite part of dressing up, by the way!

Memories

Ok this is going to be a really short blog compared to what is written below.

Its nothing philosophical or deep or emotional or whatever you think will take lots of time in understanding. Um, does it happen to many of you that when you are drifting off to sleep you get memories? Like they-still-make-me-smile-those-sweet-times memories AND
they-make-me-cringe-even-when-I-am-asleep-oh-god-why-cant-they-just-
be-discarded(?) memories. The latter actually happens to me......... A LOT. Actually everytime I am about to fall off to sleep and my mind goes like, "Not this one! Not this one! The other one you fool" and then I end up having arguments with myself. In my sleep. It aint good. (What? Its my two sub-consciouses who argue with each other).

Should conduct a poll on this, eh? What say?

Turmoil of Emotions

Yup. You read it right. No need to read it again. If my life were a soap opera (hmmm I was planning to put this up as my title but then again it wasn't as catchy as "Turmoil of Emotions"), the camera would have tilted at crazy angles from all the directions possible for AT LEAST an hour starting right about now and I would have been cryin'. Alone. Since that hasn't happened so I aint alone. Plus, there is not any camera around. So coming back to the turmoil within me: I am currently feeling PISSED OFF, restless, lonely, like a loser (like a 20 something loser to be more precise), bored, sleepy, hungry, pain. Get the drift! I know you are probably appalled reading this, but hey as Ron Weasly puts it, "If a person felt so much, they'd explode". Yeah well, no explosions happening here. Let me explain to you all of the above........ one by one (said in an evil whisper).

1. PISSED OFF: Because of the 26/11 attacks. The godforsaken govt. of our country was informed earlier. I totally agree they keep on getting billion tonnes of information day in and day out but c'mon they would have gotten the info again a few days BEFORE the attacks. What did they do? Nothing. I was angered and pissed off like the other billions of people in the whole world but couldnt do anything cuz of two reasons: 'cuz I didn't know what to do and 'cuz I was on bed rest. According to me that one lone terrorist who was caught should be tortured like no one has ever been tortured before. Or better yet he should be thrown in front off the crowd in Bombay. Ooh better yet............. ok I'm getting a bit carried away here. But its annoying. And what did the politicians do? They played it to their advantage as the elections were right there. Sly lil people! I was overwhelmed looking at the peace marches taking place across the country. Though it wasn't much its only so much you can do and sometimes its enough. I cried like everyone did during these times. I cried for the people who died, I cried for their families. In a way, I pity the guys who arranged the attack and carried it out. I mean no mind of their own, no life of their own, stuck in some godforsaken desert, no education, no b'days, xmas, new yrs, diwali, children's day, holi presents. Yuck!

'cuz of really annoying advertisements too. I mean what was the marketing and the advertising department THINKING? Or what were the channels show casing the ad thinking??? E.g.: The advertismement by the Future Group (Central, Pantaloons, E-Zone). Its about giving away surprise gifts to every customer, which is not a bad thing. Everybody loves presents. Who doesn't? (Except for the guys who carried out the attacks. Probably a voucher to the blood bank is more like it.) Trust me you need to see the ad to understand it. Switch on your tv now, now now! go!

Oh and 'cuz of the weird soap operas which show the weakness of women. For heavens sake its the 21st Century! Or probably they are not able to think straight as they must be weighed down by the jewellery and clothes. Hyuk, hyuk!

2. Restless: 'cuz I have been on bedrest since, get this, @%TH oh sorry, its my habit to press shift and put EVERYTHING significant in capslock. I meant 26th November. Yes, and today is the 18th of December. Lets just say its been a helluva long time for a bed rest, eh? Everyone envies me but they shouldn't. Okay, people at work should but not everyone. I luuurve reading, but I cannot read the whole day lying down in bed. I luuurve sleeping, but theres only so much you can sleep. I luuurve eating, but I just dont feel THAT hungry when I'm lying down the whole day. And then theres the problem of walking around and bending. Got a teeny weeny disc problem in the back. So I totally "kill it" on watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and cracking up. Though there are times I relate to some scenes/ episodes. And I'm tired, TIRED you hear me, of taking pills. Am I a subject of some big medical experiment taking place on earth? Something like lets-see-how-many-medicines-she-can-take-in-her-lifetime-and-how-can- she-not-shoot-herself. Something like The Truman Show meets Scrubs/ ER type- thingy.

3. Lonely: 'cuz of having no friends out here. No I have friends, but no one here where I stay to talk to or hang out with. And as 3rd Eye Blind says,"I never felt alone, till I met you", except that "till I met you" part has not come and I will probably burst into tears and will be worse than the time when I burst into tears during my 2nd std. music practical exams.

4 a. Loser: Yeah I compare myself like everyone else. Oh c'mon! What did you think? I have achieved self- actualization and I am content? Of course not. People who say they are content are usually the biggest liars around. They usually say this when they are out on dates or when they are at a big gathering to make other people seem small and materialistic. I compare myself to other people for practically everything. Ok, not everything but a few things. Yes, insecurity MIGHT be the word out here. Lets just keep this point short, eh? Don't want it embedded in peoples' minds.

4 b. 20 something loser: Whenever I see famous women who are younger than I am, what am I supposed to feel? I am management trainee, which is good. I have loads of plans for my life. Lets see how it all works out.

5. Bored: Extremely! It does get boring being on bed in pain the whole day for three weeks. You try it if you think I am being whiney! My favourite part is going to the loo, where I can take in the sights and smells of the world outside my bedroom.

6. Sleepy: You feel sleepy-er if you over sleep. Trust me.

7. Hungry: Yeah I know I said initially in this blog that I don't feel THAT hungry as I am on the bed the whole day. I know I contradicted myself here, but hey, tell me one theory you have come across which does not condradict what it itself says.

8. Pain: I am feeling pain because I am in pain. Like I said I got the teeny weeny back problem and its hurting like crazy.

Yeah the bedrest has made me cynical.

And sadistic.

Filling my mind with evil thoughts.

Ooh while we are at it, lets practise voodoo! (evil laugh)

Yeah, writing something after eons felt good.

Pink Pajamas and Flowery T-shirt

Today was one of those

Oh-my-god-this-is-like-my-dream-where-Im-out-in-public-naked-but-no-wait-
the-reality-is-equally-embarrassing-and-oh-theres-that-hotel-guy-I-
met-2-days-back day.

Well this happened to me cuz I went out with my friends for post dinner desserts in the night (obviously) dressed NOT down to the T but in pink pj's and flowery t-shirt. My friends were better off since 2 of em were in shorts and one of em was in tracks and a sweatshirt. We wanted to go to a small ice cream parlour where people are ALLOWED to come in their night suits to have ice cream, but I was not AT ALL prepared to go to a restaurant with a doorman and everything! And as Murphy's Law NEVER quits, we ended up meeting one of the guys from the same industry as ours whom we had met VERY formally just 2 days back. I wanted to get run over by the on coming traffic but like the woman that I am, I took a deep breath and got ready to face my fears which I think I managed pretty well or so I think since i wasn't wearing my specs or lenses so I have no idea if people noticed us or no.

But the urge to eat desserts and something chocolaty was more over whelming as compared to digging my own grave out of embarrassment. So I gave in and to comfort myself (or so I think) we ordered A LOT and ended up gaining like 10 kgs in about half an hr which is not bad considering what we ate there. I even managed to drop some chocolate and coffee on my pink pajamas and flowery t-shirt so I guess people mistook me for an EXTREMELY HUMONGOUS child. My friend was ready to kill me BEFORE I took my own life.

You know, its at times like these I wonder how do I manage to get myself in such awkward situations and mess. Its unbelievable sometimes. Anywho, we ate, and thats a different story all together. We ordered like 4 rich sinful, extremely chocolaty desserts and as one thing used to come it used to get rotated on the table amongst the four of us from one person to the other. Even that wasn't something very normal to do as I look back at the last few hours spent.

But at least I got something to write. This is how I console myself.

Baggage, Harry and "all aboard!"

This title would probably come under the many things that make u go "huh?". I have just started "a new phase in my life" or to put it more nicely: I have just started bloody working! Yes I'm working with a big international hotel chain as a tiny (not literary of course) sales person.

So back to the new chapter in my life (and of course this blog). We started off in Goa what with the rains and the running to the airport and overweight baggage (surprise surprise! u DO realize I'm being sarcastic). So we had a meeting sort of thingy with our department area directors which was kind of cool cuz I got a compliment (woohoo!). The question asked to us was "what are your biggest apprehensions?" and I almost yelled "LAUNDRY!" I mean, thats like the biggest issue anywhere in this world ESP considering that I have NEVER washed my clothes. So that was and still IS my nightmare. We were fed and kept warm in the hotel itself and then were posted to our cities and I ended up in Hyderabad along with 7 of my friends. We were still in an "environmental bubble" since we again got to be fed and kept warm in the "home away from home". Just as we were doing away with thoughts of "this is too good to be true" to be replaced with "we-really-dont-mind-getting-paid-for-living-like-this" the dream wagon of 12000000 horsepower was brought to a screeching halt (which is very ugly, mind u) and were taken back to reality. We were sent to our accommodations and my biggest fear going to anyplace is that the the bathroom should be nice n clean n decent. Im comfortable with anything as much as the next guy, I swear. BUT a bathroom.........! I mean which century are we living in currently? 1st? 10th? WHO USES INDIAN LOOS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (deep breaths, counting to 100. Feels much bearable).

And I was so upset to discover that there is hardly any Crossword here. When I found one (it had the coffee shop Brio with it and the smell and the sight was like heaven) I was so ecstatic that I almost screamed. But I mainatined my composure (ha!) and wanted to buy the latest issue of Vogue but ended up spending almost an hr there since I cannot resist browsing through books and sitting there and reading them and taking in the smell of freshly brewing coffee. So I ended up buying "Chasing Harry Winston" for 2 primary reasons:
1) Lauren Weisberger is one of my favourite "authoress"
2) She has the signature shoe pic EVERYTIME as the cover and if THAT doesnt attract me, God knows what will!

And I bought the book at a pretty decent time cuz after a day I came down with viral (still am suffering from it). It may not look it but yes I AM feeling weak! So I went to my sister's place over the weekend. She is luckily studying here and was awed by the campus. I have NEVER in my life felt my jaw agreeing to gravity but that day it did. I read the book there and finished it "at home" (As we now call it!) over the 2 days I was sort of bed ridden.

Which reminds me I should better go zzzzzzzzzz but before going I, like a good Voyage Management Trainee, would like to list out certain "take aways" as to what we have learnt during our initial days:

1) When u gotta go, U GOTTA GO! (read: loo)
2) ALWAYS carry light baggage cuz u have to stop depending on your father and start shelling out your own green paper!
3) NEVER piss off a person with a half decent loo
4) AND yes, while taking a group photograph NEVER stand in the front IF u r on the pudgier side and are in dire need of an aerobics class!

Thank u and good night!

Mum's anecdotes!

Now that my exams and "hard work" seems to be finally over, I thought i should devote some time to my parents, hence this blog "Mum's anecdotes".

Over the years, right from my drooling age of 1 yr to i-love-u-mom-dad 10 yr old girl to u-have-no-right-to-tell-me-anything-i-am-a-13-yr-old-woman to oh-god-i-have-been-dumb 22yr old, i have heard various proverbs/ similes/ thoughts from my mom be it when she is livid/ happy/ teasing me. I have realized when to shut up and when to argue with her. For example: when she is being utterly patient on the phone when I waste her time, I know I should hurry up in keeping down the phone 'cuz she is losing patience with me.

So here it goes:

1. Dont eat that! Its poison! : Usually said when I haven't been to the gym or moved AT ALL.
2. Dont think u will get food if u dont go to the gym: I thought she was kidding till she actually practiced what she preached.
3. I dont think I will ever live to c u lose some wt.: When i have eaten a morsel extra.
4. I have been desperate since 9th std to see good grades: Which is so not true 'cuz I received pretty decent marks till 10th.
5. My whole family shouldn't eat: Great kidder, my mom!
6. Can i ever c u vertical?: When I have been sleeping the whole day 'cuz apart from looking out of the window there is nothing much to do in the house.
7. I ate double today: Usually said out of happiness when I dont end up eating.
8. Dont worry, every1 goes through it: Usually said when I whine about the amount of work we have.
9. A Muslim priest has a journey only till the Mosque: Usually said in hindi and usually spoken when asked where did she and dad go in the evening. Basically she went to a very nearby and a boring place.
10. A donkey will never do what his master says, but it will end up doing the same thing when not told: Basically I'm always, invariably compared to the said donkey. I never do anything what everyone keeps on nagging me about but end up doing the exact same thing when I'm bored. Usually said in Punjabi when my mom has lost patience with me.
    
11. I know I am the worst person on this planet and dont understand u at all and I have no heart: Usually when fights get a LEETLE serious and she gets dramatic when I have said something like "no one understands me".

Now over to dad's best advices and anecdotes:

1. Listen to your mom.

Its 1:15 pm. Tomorrow is my final year final exam on Operations, analysis and planning (popularly known as oap since the full version is to big to say. takes me 5 mins to remember it). While studying (ever thought as to how n y one wants to waste the maximum amount of time by thinking and doing weird-out-of-the-blue never-will-i-do-this-in-my-free-time stuff when exams r going on?) I was just thinking that how come do these subjects come together? Are some random words just thrown together to make em sound difficult and important? I mean words like strategic (as in strategic corporate finance and strategic hospitality management, what do they mean?) I still don't understand them.

Wont life be much easier and simpler and wonderful if the subjects were like "search the net and come up with random but interesting stuff", or "talk to the faculty and measure your patience level" or "play games and let us test your level of multi tasking and decision making" etc etc. This is more practical. In real life situations there is no way am I going to think about what I read on page number 289 which model I referred to while solving a hypothetical situation (which obviously had to involve a guest and a company and where they went wrong and the customer almost hyperventilated) and try to remember the weird circles and boxes which connect with each other with no logical reasoning AT ALL!

They should seriously teach us stuff which will help us. Like what to gift your significant other, how do you come out of tight spots and use your gift of gab WITHOUT using management reasoning etc etc. I mean how bored were people to actually come up with things like "Queuing theory"? The whole point of queues is that its 1st come 1st serve basis, and they r formed when the guy behind the counter is slow and obviously "where there is a queue there is a fight" (Megha Gupta, 2008).

ok I THINK I've gone into the bloggin-is-fun-while-"studying"-for-exams mode. But still this whole thing is worth pondering over.

hardly working or hard working?

After the overwhelming response of 1 comment from one of my friends I thought I should write another one.

Today, while giving an exam and sitting next to the window, with the breeze blowing in my falling-like-snow hair, I had a profound awakening. I realized, people have different views about "hard working" and "hardly working". Like, take me for example, thinking or something as stressful as lifting a finger is "hard working" for some people its no work AT ALL (that shocked me too!). Ok, on more serious notes have you ever realized how shocked or amazed your parents, friends, significant other, better half, foe (who is obviously happy at your expense), get when you recount how hard you have worked the whole day BUT in their eyes its nothing. Someone or the other will invariably start off saying (after you have relived your whole day's experience, of course), "This is nothing. I had a worse day. Be happy that you did not get up 30 secs late." or something equally insignificant, the situation being the same mind u.

During exam time its very common to go from person to person and asking them how much have they done. I always end up asking people whom I know will have done much lesser than I have. But it gets on to my last nerve when people want to have small talk and start off by saying, "U must have done a lot, eh? I have hardly done anything" and when asked what have they done, the reply will be, "Oh! my 100th revision is left, I have been awake for ONLY 2 nights AND around 1 paragraph is left." By the time this is said i have already hyperventilated/ fainted/ slapped that person/ or slammed my door (depending on the degree of getting onto my last nerve). I mean what is that? Hard working (in normal person's eyes)? Hardly working (in that person's eyes)? Or working till failing-is-worse-than-dying state (in my eyes obviously)?